by samurai69 » Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:19 am
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are
you comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my
wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's
making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting
it.. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our
wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and
cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My
wife called it the Dead Sea .
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for
the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
* I was just in London ; there is a 6-hour time difference.
I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I
go to bed, I feel hungry.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't
pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check
came back. "
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest.
The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? "
The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. "
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've
been brought here for drinking. "
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.
*Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
They want to.
1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this
is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life
begins. In Jewish tradition, the foetus is not considered
viable until it graduates from medical school.
3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror
movie?
A: It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."
5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favourite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.
7. A man called his mother in Florida , "Mom, how are you?" "
Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. "
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38
days? "
The mother answered, "Because; I didn't want my mouth to be
filled with food if you should call."
8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he
has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband. "
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you
want a speaking part."
9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to
be a nuisance to anybody"
11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish
mother on the street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three
days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish
mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
14. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20%
off.
Ephor - one of five powerful civil magistrates in Spartan government, elected annually by the Assembly.
"I thought I was hard done by, when I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet"]
http://www.newspartangym.co.nr